I just want you to know that I do realize how ridiculous all this appears, the key word being APPEARS.
The list of links below are not all technically "seeds", seeds being worthy messages, "worthy" messages being things written with a conscious endeavor to describe my Maker in a more accurate light, to say things you might not hear in the real world, to see why I love Him so much, to bless you. There's a few good "seeds" among my written words but all things considered they can easily be chalked up as weeds as well. Who's to say what's a seed and what's a weed? Are you the Master Gardener? I didn't think so.
Listen. I deliberately wrote junk, fresh from my mental trunk, and posted it for all to see. "All" being whoever was
wait
The thing is, it's important to see the garden I came from and the garden I currently dwell in. My everyday frame of mind, thoughts, ideas, my real life. And then see and understand the contrast of the amazing things God shows me. I want the full contrast to be known. I say this in partial defiance and self-defense because I am aware of how ridiculous all this appears, posting link after link. At first (or even second or third) glance you might think me to be extremely self-absorbed. This is not the case. I'm doing what I've been ripped out of my old life to do. My whole existence is based on getting all this out right now. This IS my physical life right now- sharing.
A few months ago I had a vision of holding a chain, a big fat old rusty copper one, and I heard in my spirit "Links!", and it was a happy dream. It was as if God was in on it with me. I have to do this. And staying on one page is impossible for me. I'm an artist. I can't stand to look at the same things day after day. I need change and I can't wallow in my own creations, in this case, my own words. I feel stifled when surrounded by my own thoughts, but there's no escape, the thoughts keep coming out, so my only choice is to keep moving. Create, deposit, move on.
I don't know how long this will go on. I keep attempting to wrap everything up and call it a day, but more things come to mind. It's a race in my head. I feel as if the clock is ticking and I have to do all this fast, before something happens. I don't know if I invented that or what, but it's a thing I live with on a daily basis. My body is getting weaker, my leg didn't concern me too much but when it spread to my right hand, it was like all my words inside my head were shouting out to me, YOU BETTER LET US OUT NOW. I'm wondering if typing might be hard one of these days or something. I do type slow, but that's not because of my hand. It's because of my brain. And that's another deal. But
I'm just saying, don't judge me. My whole life has come to a screeching halt so that I could do this. Too bad if you don't get it- or believe me- that's not my problem. I say this to the people who know me by name and read my blogs out of curiosity and then laugh and scoff at me. But the thing is, truth be told, my heart is beating for them more than anything and it's them I write for more than anyone else.
Oh I could say so much. But I'll refrain. For now.
I know what the next "level" for me is, I know what my final frontier is. Intercessory prayer. I'm being called into it. As in, My Thing. It's What's Next. Know what I mean? This is why I get a little nervous to see and feel my body weakening. I'm wondering just how exactly is God going to position me. Hopefully not flat on my back with an electronic communication device as my only link to the world.
Even now I want to lock myself out of here* but I think I'd rather stay. I'm thinking I might just do more and more cartoons and scanner art. I'm thinking I might want to start simplifying. As in, keep talking, but just
You know what I mean?
(*change password to something I can't remember and never go back, it's what I've done with each blog along the way, just so you know, there's only one live blog at a time with me. I assume this is obvious but come to find out it's not, and I think I might be a real source of frustration for a few people. But deep down I don't feel bad about that. )
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
